Missed

I've missed you guys.

I've gone back and forth about whether or not I want to write this post. I'm still undecided, so I figured I'd start typing and see where it takes me. 

If you follow on Instagram, you may know that we had a miscarriage almost two weeks ago. I was closing in on eleven weeks and starting to see the light at the end of a long and anxious first trimester. We planned photos for announcements, picked outfits, bought maternity jeans, and sunk ourselves into other trivial things as our excitement grew.

Then it was gone. A quick ultrasound showed no heartbeat and a D&C was scheduled for the next day. Complications a week later meant an ER trip, a visit from my mom, and felt like a slap in the face considering that we were already struggling.

All this to say that miscarriage sucks. 

There are silver linings if I want to see them, though. I'm more grateful than ever for the healthy child we already have. She's been a true comfort during this time. My husband has been a rockstar, I can't say enough about all he's done. I'm grateful for the  support from family, friends, even total strangers...reminding us that we don't have to go through this alone. Not for the first time, I'm grateful for Willow Crowns. Having something to sink myself into, to offer a distraction and a purpose has helped enormously.  I'm also really grateful for health insurance...because this crap is expensive. I'm grateful for everyone who let me cry, let me pretend it didn't bother me, who brought us food, made terrible jokes, texted me every day, made themselves available, and took my mind off things. 

I really considered just keeping it to myself. I did for a few days and realized that wasn't helping. There's comfort in community. Talking to others who've been down this road and gone on to lead happy lives with their children. Hearing that it's so so common and that things will be ok. That plus trying our best to get back to a normal routine and stay busy have helped the most. 

Two nights after my D&C I was sucked into some kind of internet black hole (I know you've all been there) and found this: 

" The only way out is through " - Robert Frost.

So we're pushing through. We know that our circumstances could be harder, worse, more complicated and are putting all our energy into focusing on the positive. Every day I look around with a better perspective for how good life is, for how lucky we are.  I'll probably take a little break from this space. I'm feeling like we're turning the corner but I just don't have it in me to blog regularly at this point.

Thanks for all your kind words and support over the past two weeks, it's meant so much to me.

xo

31 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing. I had a miscarriage in June at 8 weeks. It's so sad to me that it's something that isn't talked about more. I had a great support group in my co-workers, they are all nurses and many had been through it too. I love my two year old more than anything and she helps. But hearing other people's stories also make me feel less lonely. Much love to you and your family.

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    1. Heather, I'm so glad you had such wonderful support! I agree that loving on our kiddos and hearing from other women is such a great help. Thanks so much for reading xoxo

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  2. I saw your post on IG and you've been in my thoughts ever since. I lost my first pregnancy in almost the same manner - 11 1/2 weeks along, prepping to make our announcement, and they couldn't find a heartbeat. Had a D&C three days later. All that to say - I have since had two successful pregnancies and now have 4 and a half and 2-year old daughters! I think it's great that you're sharing your feelings now. I couldn't talk about my miscarriage comfortably until my first daughter was almost 6 weeks old. Glad you have a great support system in place - hugs and warm thoughts!!

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    1. That's so kind of you, Laura! I'm so happy to hear stories of women who've gone on to have healthy pregnancies following a miscarriage - it's such a comfort!

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  3. Oh Megan, I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family went through. Thank you for sharing your story. I know that it will help many women who may have the same experiences. I am sending you many warm thoughts. Hang in there.

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  4. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through, Megan. No parent should have to experience the loss of a child, regardless of when it happens. I'm glad to hear you are taking the time you need for yourself, but do hope to see you back here! Your blog is one of my favorites! Prayers for you and your family, mama 💕

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  5. Miscarriage does suck. You have an amazingly positive outlook and I'm glad you shared your news because every baby deserves to be celebrated, no matter the circumstance. You have a beautiful family and I wish you health and happiness now and in the future.

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  6. I know how hard this is for you I have had two miscarriages before I got pregnant with Kinsley and it does get easier with time. You will never forget this baby but I heard something once that kind of helped me and that is knowing that that baby will always be your baby . I sometimes say I have 3 babies and that two are just in heaven . I know that my family members who have passed on are there with them and it gave and still gives me comfort . I tried for 41/2 years to have a baby before Kinsley and had a very difficult pregnancy/ delivery with her had had to have a emergency c section because she wasn't moving around like she was supposed to I had gestational diabetes and she wasn't breathing when she was born it wa the scariest thing I've ever had to deal with but I thank god every day for how heathy and happy she is now. And for those two babies in heaven. Sometimes it's hard to hear that things and time will get better because you don't want it to you just want that baby back but your not alone and I'm sending you so many prayers ❤️

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  7. You are an incredibly strong person, Megan. Besides my husband, mom, and a few friends, I didn't have the strength to talk about my two miscarriages. It was until after my second baby was born (my miscarriages happened between my first and second) that I could openly talk about it, and I feel bad about that because we owe it to each other to talk about these things so we all don't feel alone when going through them. It's so easy to hide when things are hard and I so admire you for not doing that.

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  8. You are amazing. I know, without a doubt, that someone is going to stumble upon this post when they are scouring the internet about a miscarriage and they are going to find that needed support. They are going to have that moment, thanks to your strength, of knowing that they are not alone. You are incredibly brave to post this and share your story. Time heals all wounds. This is just a bump in the road that will make you a stronger mama! I have been down this road too and it's not easy. Here if you need anything!

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  9. I've never commented on a blog before but.....admirable post, it never helped me when people said "been there" but ugh....count the blessings we do have and pray for the newest angel right?
    Sending healing heart vibes.
    PS. adorable blog and shop.

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  10. Hugs to you sweet girly. That quote is everything and so true during the tough times. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling, but admire and feel your strength through these words. <3

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  11. Wow, I have no words to express my sympathy to you and your family. Your strength in sharing this is amazing and I pray God's grace and love will surround you and your family during this heart-breaking time. Much love and prayers!

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  12. Sweet Megan I am so sorry for your loss. :( I am so glad you have friends rallying around you to keep your spirits up. You come back to this space when you are good and ready - we will all be here. xoxo

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  13. Friend, know you are so loved and have been on my heart and prayers. I'm always here. Xoxo

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  14. I'm so sorry Megan. I have had 2 miscarriages myself so you are definitely not alone. Enjoy that precious little girl of yours and take as long of a break you need. Hugs.

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  15. Isn't it odd how we follow people on IG and read their blogs and feel like we "know" them? I don't really know you, but the way you've helped me navigate the first year of motherhood through humorous posts about parenting and adorable hair accessories has left an imprint. When I read your initial post, my heart sunk. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing such an incredibly difficult part of your life (along with all the other good parts, too). This is so brave, and I know your words will help others. I wish you and your family peace in this time of healing.

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  16. Miscarriage really freaking sucks...no two ways about it. 4 years later, there are still moments that catch me off guard and I cry about it and I've had 2 kids since then. Let those wonderful people in your life be your anchors and your village. Prayers mama!

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  17. I'm so glad you shared, it really is therapeutic to know you're not the only one going through it. We had two miscarriages, one before each baby and it was devastating. The first time I didn't really share immediately after and it was so much more difficult for me to grieve, I just felt so alone.

    Just know you're not alone and it will get easier. Thinking of you lots and hoping you're all doing ok xo

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  18. So sorry to hear Megan. You have been missed as well. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

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  19. What a brave post. I've missed your posts the last few weeks--sometimes they really perk me up the best kind of way--and I had no idea why you were absent. My thoughts are with you and yours. Hugs from across the ether!

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  20. Thank you for this post! It was heart felt and brave, and I know that other women who are going through similar experiences will be so grateful for someone else sharing their struggle. That said, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this heart ache. My mother had several miscarriages and I remember how painful they were for our family. I hope that this pain heals soon!

    Although I completely understand the need to take some time right now, I will miss your posts very much - I look forward to them every day!

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  21. Thank you for this post! It was heart felt and brave, and I know that other women who are going through similar experiences will be so grateful for someone else sharing their struggle. That said, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this heart ache. My mother had several miscarriages and I remember how painful they were for our family. I hope that this pain heals soon!

    Although I completely understand the need to take some time right now, I will miss your posts very much - I look forward to them every day!

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  22. Honey you take as much time as you need! Just know that little soul was supposed to have that journey. And you will have your second baby when you're supposed to!! God bless and can't wait to see you back on the blog. You're one of my all time favorites. XO

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  23. I saw your post on IG and I just wanted to comment on here as well. I'm so sorry for your loss but am so happy that you have such an amazing support system around you. Thank you for sharing and just know, you are not alone. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  24. I'm really sorry to hear this. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks just a couple of months ago and what helped my research-oriented brain was looking up statistics. Just how common it is, just how little it means in terms of going on to have a healthy pregnancy, etc. I'm glad you decided to share because it helps so much. You will get through this.

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  25. Thinking of you everyday friend <3

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  26. Sending all the love your way through this time <3

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  27. I'm so sorry. Like so many women above, I too have been down this road and you are totally aloud to be sad and grieve. Last year I lost my pregnancy at 10 weeks, and had a d&c. Two weeks later headed to the ER to have a repeat d&c (on my friggin wedding anniversary). Hug your girl and know that it will be OKAY. Even though people have gone through it and it's comforting to know you're not alone, it's still so HARD! I gave birth exactly one year and one day later to a perfect baby boy. I have a daughter who looks to be about your daughters age, and she was my saving grace during that time! Hang in there and I'm praying for you. So wonderful for you to share because there will be someone who comes across this post who is going through this exact thing and will find some comfort in this. Sending prayers to you and your husband!

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  28. As a long time reader I've never commented but have to thank you for sharing your struggle. We are with you, day in, day good - good and bad. Thinking of you and praying for your healing, both body and soul.

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