Mad

They say you should never go to bed angry.

I don't agree with "them", because I usually have it more together after giving whatever I'm mad about a night to simmer, but I do think someone should say "never blog angry". Because then you get posts like this.

Ok, ok, I've simmered down, but I'm still not happy and I'm about to get up on my toddler mom high horse, so watch out.

I think people (and by people, I mean all four of my friends) tend to fall into one of two camps. 

1. Tough baby, easy toddler.
2. Easy baby, toddler from hell.

Guess which camp I've pitched my tent in?

2, baby. All the way.


I love my daughter, I love my daughter, I love my daughter. 

I want you to remember this as I go on and you start thinking someone should call CPS. It's also my daily mantra when I find myself wanting to just leave her in the grocery store and run all the way home.

So yesterday.

We met up with Kristy and Charlotte for lunch. Charlotte sat in her little highchair and ate her quesadilla and was just your normal, delightful toddler. A couple of fists in the guacamole, and dragging her doll through some salsa, but no big deal.

Olivia shrieked like a howler monkey, wriggled up and down and up and down from her booster seat (highchairs are just toddler rocket launchers in her opinion) and threw rice, ate absolutely nothing at all, and then shrieked some more. 

She was pretty terrible, but not terrible enough to get up and leave a la last Saturday's milk throwing incident. Just terrible enough to try and turn it into a teachable moment and attempt some parenting consistency while everyone around you starts hating you.

Can I digress for a minute and just say how amazing it is how quickly you'll lower your standards for what's "terrible"?  My child has to hurt someone (besides me) or cause a spill that needs more than 10 baby wipes to clean in order for me to classify an incident as "terrible".

Anyway, when we got up to leave, she really lost it. Feet stamping, high pitched scream, the whole nine yards minus a full body fling to the floor, which would come later, just outside the restaurant.

Then it happened.

This big table of ladies on a lunch break caught my eye. Why did they catch my eye? Because they were talking about me. Talking about my kid. Giving me the stinkiest stink eye you've ever seen and rolling their eyes at one another. 

You think I can't hear you?

I'm a mom.

I can hear a roll of toilet paper hitting open water from a mile away, of course I can hear you talking smack. 

You're thinking I shouldn't bring my kid to a crowded restaurant if she can't behave. You're thinking I should have left about 4 screams ago. You're thinking that your kid never did that or if you're childless (which I'm guessing you are) that you'll never let your child behave that way.

Well I think you suck.

You suck for talking about/eye rolling at me and for getting to eat your whole lunch uninterrupted. 

Not you guys, you guys all rock.

I made it to the car after Olivia almost dislocated her own shoulder about 7 times by pulling the "I'm going to go all limp" move, and then I cried hot angry tears. 

I was so pissed. 

Pissed at my kid for being so rotten yet again, at those women for judging me, and at myself for caring what they think. Pissed that everyone else's toddler (and trust me, rational Megan knows this isn't true) seems to be easier than mine. 

Pissed that my mom sends me links to books called "Parenting the Spirited Child" (and I'm not really pissed at you, mom, I love you) because everyone and their brother knows what a flipping handful Olivia is.


Kid, I love you, but there are times I've wanted to flush myself down an airplane lavatory just to get away from you. Then I usually come pick you up when you're asleep and cuddle you because I miss you. Did I mention that I think "motherhood"is just a synonym for bipolar?

There are lots of types of parenting. Helicopter, Attachment, Permissive, etc. I fall into the Survivalist category. My friend Jenny likes to say that parenting is all about survival. And that's why she's my friend.

She's not going to roll her eyes or gossip about me while my kid melts down. She won't judge when I let Olivia have a giant chocolate covered rice krispie treat on a stick because I have to get this Target errand done (because her MDO teacher just told me yesterday she needs to have 12 Valentine's for tomorrow). I mean, we all have our standards, but "spirited" children like O will drive me to do things I'm not always super proud of. So I need friends who will send me photos of their vomit covered duvets (thanks, Steph!) to make me feel better about what their kids are putting them through or tell me it's ok that I turned up my Beyonce loud enough to cover the screams that have been persisting for an hour because the sock is on the wrong foot

Now I know this isn't the first rant I've gone on about tough toddler moments, or "omg parenting is so hard guyssss", but this had to get written today, if for no one but myself. So there it is. Those judgy women at lunch wrote this post for you today. 

So thank those sanctimonious, pearl clutching meanies for today's rant. 

Tomorrow we'll be back to our regularly (yet to be) scheduled programing. You know, selfies, starbucks, Target, and all the important things. My sanity will also be back, along with the concession that I've got it super easy, and that I should probably calm myself when it comes to the whining.

And that's why you should never blog mad.

37 comments:

  1. Oh my- this was us last week. And I don't have the spirited toddler, I have the slow-to-warm sensitive toddler who gets overwhelmed. I'm so aware of it (I was that way) but pushed to go out to breakfast with friends. It was too many new faces, it was loud, my daughter was hungry and Cheerios wouldn't cut it as we waited. So we cried.. Then screamed.. Then kicked. I honestly don't even mind and was with other moms who I know don't mind, we've all been there. It was the a-hole host glaring at me shaking his head (as I went to the empty lobby to calm my daughter). It was 10am on a Tuesday, there's only moms, stop shaking your head because you're the only one making me feel bad. I paid for my food and left after enough of the staff glared at me.

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  2. Thanks so much for blogging mad and for your raw honesty.....this mum thing is soo hard.....and often so isolating.....for fear of being judged....or having to defend ones self! So thanks again! We need more understanding supportive "mad blogging" if for nothing else to feel for just a tiny minute that maybe we aren't as crazy and "bipolar" as we all feel ;) so thanks again! Laura

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  4. Motherhood is like being bipolar! Tonight I lost my shit when Noah was kicking me as I carried him up the stairs. I told him to stop and he of course didn't and I was concerned I could lose my balance and fall. When we got upstairs I tossed him in his crib and left. He's balling and I'm mad and then next thing I know I feel guilty! What is up with the mama guilt!

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  5. Writing is such great therapy! You're doing a great job!

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  6. Thank you for sharing! I (and every mother out there!) totally feel you. Parenthood is exhausting and maddening and nothing makes it worse than feeling judged when we are all doing the best we can. By the way I just put my two kids in bed at a ridiculously early hour (as in still light out) so that I could watch a marathon of The Bachelor while I enjoy my second Starbucks of the day. Hey, whatever it takes to survive! ;)

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  7. You always have this way of reminding me I'm not alone in surviving this bipolar motherhood thing! And to those judgy mean girls at lunch well I'd throw a silly cup at them! 😘 hang in there girl

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  8. Yep. Been there, mama. I've been saying for a long time that the "baby stage" was an absolute breeze for us and that "todderville is kicking my ass. hard." I'm pretty sure if you look up the definition of "strong willed child" in the dictionary, you'll find a photo of my darling daughter with a giant neon sign above her head! But like you, I love her to pieces, despite the ways she wears me out and challenges me. Brush off any A-hole who casts their judge-y judgement on you and carry on...you're doing a great job!

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  9. Can i just agree with this whole thing. And I love to crank the music up when my 5 year old is having a "moment" which is a nice way of saying being a little shit. Is it bad that I know turning the music up will make him even more pissed, but I don't care...and maybe even secretly like it? Being a mom's hard especially when you have a "spirited" child, but that's what margaritas, bedtime, and good friends are for. Rant away girl!

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  10. After you told me about those stupid ladies at the lunch table, I totally wish that Char & O would have splashed milk AND guacamole all over them. (Is that childish of me? Whatevs.) That would have been icing on the cake.

    You know we love you. Tantrums, howls, the bossy child that is mine...all natural and normal. Beyonce needs to change her Girls song. It should go more along the lines of, "Who runs the world?! MOMS." That's who runs the world. Our little, messy, whiney, kicking, and screaming toddlers just don't know what the heck is going on yet. They're just trying to figure it all out without having the right words to say. So since they can't, they scream and cry. Because that always warrants a reaction. Right? You were as a cool as a cucumber our entire lunch, and all I could think was how much patience you had. She wasn't as terrible as you think. I've seen worse. ;)

    Friends til the end, my dear!

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  11. Oh my word, we have ALL been there. I think I'm the survivalist mom also, I am not above opening food in the grocery store (who am I kidding, opening treats in the grocery store) to save myself from a toddler meltdown. Honestly those stupid ladies don't even know what's coming for them (because I'm going to assume they don't have any children).

    I'm so sorry they made you feel inadequate, you're a great mom.

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  12. My daughter is the same age and I feel the exact same way. The amount of times I've said "see all the other kids sitting/watching/playing nicely? TAKE NOTES CHILD!" I've noticed that without any screen time at all, my daughter behaves much better. It sounds harder, and there will be two days of hard detox, but trust me that the highs and lows of behavior are not as extreme without TV/ipads. The other thing that has helped me is to realize that when she needs a #2 (sorry TMI!), she won't verbalize it, but will act up and misbehave in every way imaginable if she can't get to a quiet alone spot. The restaurant scene you described is so familiar and for my daughter it often means she has to do a #2. I also stopped leaving the house between 11am-3pm. That is our most prone to tantrums window. I hope that helps a little. If all else fails- chocolate all around works.

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  13. I get you :-) Yesterday I felt like I had never sweat so much taking my 18 month old out to the doctors office. He screamed the entire time, cried, banged the door, I'm trying everything to calm him down to no luck. When I opened the door to leave, everyone one in the waiting room and nurses stared me down :-/ It's a horrible feeling but know you're not alone!

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  14. I feel ya!!! I am grateful for blogs like this that make me feel a little better that I am not the only one!!! I have two kids and it can be challenging sometimes. It makes it even worse when it seems like everyone else has it all together so it is nice to know that not everyone does!!

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  15. I know you are looking for other stories to make yours feel normal but let me tell you that this post makes me feel so much better as a mom/person. Sometimes I think my child is bipolar which in turn makes me bipolar. Then when I see a perfectly behaved child in the store, I'm all 'What the crap'?!?!?! What am I doing wrong!!! It's so nice to know there are others out there!!! Food (not healthy snacks) is what gets me through the grocery store which usually ruins lunch or dinner but guess what?! I don't care! Those are the moments that make you go into survival mode!!! Thank you for being so honest!!!

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  17. Survival mode here as well. Ive had to start using time outs to show some discipline. We also try breathing. I get down to eye level and tell her to breath 3 times. It seems to be therapeutic for both of us. Good luck!

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  18. You are so not alone! Amelia hit her teacher last week...eek and one of my friend's toddlers spit on her teacher the week before! Forget those stupid ladies. If they're not mommies yet than they have no idea and they will take back every rude thing they ever said about another mom. I'm with Kristy, it's too bad the girls didn't throw milk at those hussies. Keep your head up mama, you're doing a great job!

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  19. I enjoyed your mad blog. Parenting is not all rainbows and butterflies, and sometimes that is what mommy blogs tell us. I hope today is a better day.

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  20. I'm so sorry, that sounds like a really crappy situation. I had a horrible horrible overall experience in the newborn stage (think extreme colic, acid reflux, sleep deprivation, and a pretty bad case of Post Pardum Depression) and I remember feeling ALL the time that my life will ALWAYS look like this. My rational mind knew that wasn't true but when you're living in those tough moments those hopeless feelings always win. My little girl is only 16 months, so I'm sure all sorts of toddler behavior will rain down on me soon but things are looking up for us. Just wanted you to know we are also in the SURVIVAL parenting camp and I'm okay with that. Parenting is hard. Being a stay at home mom is HARD and a lot of times lonely. You are doing a great job! Those ladies at lunch hands down suck, but I would never want their life. Maybe I would like a day in their life sans toddler lol but not their life. My kid and I have had our shares of ups and lots of downs but she's part of the team, and I would take a messy life with her than a hollow shell of a life of someone who judges a young mom trying to figure it out. Lots of hugs your way and I hope you get an extra long nap today to recoup!

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  21. Venting helps! And you are so on point with everything you said. Toddlerhood is SO challenging because these kiddos are learning to be independant and expressive...and defiant. And it sucks balls. Especially when people have the audacity to look at you and judge you without even knowing you or your child. Those kind of days you described and the feelings you talk about are 100% NORMAL!!! With the quads, I have a really tough one in my mix—one of the girls drives me crazy all the time. And the other three will be playing or behaving wonderfully but just the ONE will be causing all kinds of problems and wreaking so much havoc, and I have to try my hardest not to resent her for ruining otherwise enjoyable situations or experiences. Yet I (usually) miss them within an hour or two of bedtime. Keep your chin up and drink an extra glass of wine, the fight's not over yet... :)

    bellsandkilts.blogspot.com

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  22. I am in your shoes every, single. day. Olivias are a handful. ALWAYS. today, was gus' preschool valentine's day party and she had a meltdown, like at every other class party or school function we've been to and her screams sound like they're a lot like your olivia's. the whole school can hear her. today, i almost walked out of the valentine's day party. it got so bad. You're not alone mama!
    xoxo
    Elda

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  23. Ah, my life. I love when people tell me Cameron is "spirited." Really? Is that your way of letting me know he's a bit harder than other kids? He's been in two day cares since he was 12 weeks old, and they've both let me know he's not an easy baby. Really? I didn't notice that while bribing him with chocolate and toys just to get through Target. Cam was not an easy baby (He had colic for six months.), and he's not an easy toddler, but he's not bad, either...I think we are too tough on ourselves, but f-off to those ladies talking smack. YOU take my child somewhere and see how that works out for you! Haha!! And, seriously, I've called myself bipolar about 23847392 times since Cameron was born...I can't wait to put him to bed, then I sneak in to look at him 20 times before going to bed myself. Thanks for the post...true parents at its finest. :)

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  24. Girl, I feel your pain. I had an easy baby and now my 2 year old is all kinds of defiant and a nightmare to bring in public because he's unpredictable! -Emily

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  25. I love your honesty. Parenting is so hard.

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  26. I love how honest you are! Its incredibly refreshing. I don't have kids so won't pretend to know how this feels. Those women should not have done that to you. So rude and horrible.

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  27. Sending you big hugs all the way from Australia.
    It must have been the day for it as my darling 2.5 year old literally gave me our worst parenting day in history... And if it makes you feel better, he's a #3, trying baby, trying toddler. Sadly, my 9 month old is exactly the same.
    I'm all about surviving somedays ... And others I cut their food in cute shapes and make bento boxes fir them ... But mostly it's survival.
    Xx

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  28. Natalie has been a super sassy handful lately and this helps. Thank you for blogging angry because sometimes we all need to hear this and have that reminder that we're not alone in the parenting struggle. We all love our babies more than life itself, but sometimes we just don't like them for a minute. I can completely relate about being in survival mode. We are in full blown survival mode as we try to work full time, be full time parents and pack our house for a move! Good luck!

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  29. Hang in there! Parenting a toddler is tough. They drive you crazy one minute then melt your heart the next. Talk about a roller coaster :)

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  31. From someone who is 24 and doesn't have kids, I understand. When I see mothers like you at restaurants or the grocery store i say a quick prayer. Anyone who can get through a situation like that with class is a saint! You are a saint and an amazing mother! I would have not been able to hold my temper with girls being judgy like that. Keep up the good work :)

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  32. I have a spirited 3 year old I can relate, I'm not sure if this is the book your mom told you about, but, I have the book Raising your spirited child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and it has been really helpful.

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  33. Thank you for this post! I too have a "spirited" toddler and I often find myself thinking that I have it so much harder than other toddler moms but then I snap back out of my pity party and realize they all have their moments. My child usually decides to make those crazy moments happen at the least convenient of times- like her birthday party for example. She was in a mean mood, clung to me and wanted everyone to go home until her friends arrived which thankfully changed her mood around- until she decided she was tired and wanted to wear nothing but a tutu and go to bed.
    You're not alone and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you being so open and honest.

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  34. Amen for saying this. I have one of those HARD toddlers. He was a hard baby too, so I got doubly screwed, I guess. He's wild and crazy and high spirited and smart and energetic and bounces off the walls. He absolutely exhausts me. And it's HARD - especially when you feel (because I feel that way too) like everyone else's kid is SO much better. They're not, of course. But we all have our moments of feeling way overwhelmed. Hang in there, mama! A high spirited toddler only means that she's extra smart and has a big personality - those things are going to pay off for her in the future. You're doing a great job!

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  35. You might consider 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, you can get the book but I would recommend the DVD (because who has time for that?) available on Amazon. Our library had it but I still bought it after borrowing it because it was that good. I use it on my three kids and have pushed it on several of my girl friends, one of them has a very and I mean VERY strong-willed daughter and it works wonders. Best of luck-Amy

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  36. oh girl, we skipped the 2s, but I think we're going to jump head first into the "Trying 3s" as my MIL likes to call them. I like to cling to the high-spirited piece meaning that she's going to be uber-smart and absolutely brilliant! We are all doing the best we can...and even if they don't admit it, I think all parents are in the survival mode...ALWAYS. Yesterday I had one of those moments when I totally over-reacted when Elyse did something age appropriate...I felt about as small as an ant and couldn't cuddle her enough for the rest of the day. You're an amazing momma...and you're so right, that table of ladies just sucks!

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  37. I'm reading blogs daily, but on my phone and I am lazy to type comments on phone, so I'm writing this with delay...
    You and I have same problems with our daughters. Back when I was stay at home mom I had problems every time when I go out with Sofia. She would spill something on purpose or pull my hair when I hold her or just yelling out loud every time when we are at the restaurant or coffee shop with our friends and I'm talking with them and not paying all my attention to her. I suppose it's just something that some children do when they're all day alone with just moms and they want all attention for themselves. Now when she is almost three years old and I am working mom she usually put her hand on mine when she wants attention and if I ignore it, she yells. It's little better that it was before, but not perfect at all.
    And like Sara said a high spirited toddler only means that she's extra smart and have a big personality and those things are going to pay off for her in the future.
    And just keep writing posts with tons of photos about going out for coffee or about organizing your home or decorating your yard because they make my coffee break little better.

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